April 07, 2003

What if I were terminal?

OK,OK, don't get excited... I plan to live forever, but what if I were
terminal? Would I be chastised for my flaws, if the doctor had
sad, "I'm sorry she has an inoperable brain tumor, she has 4
years to live." Would people still ask me, "Why don't
you just try harder?", and that is not to say that every one
actually says that, but you can usually tell when people are
thinking it. "If you were just paying attention you wouldn't
have forgotten..." If people thought that I was "sick"
would it be easier for them to make allowances for my limitations?

I think about that allot, probably too much, but I still wonder,
"What if I were terminal?". Other times I join right in
and ask the same questions of my self, but then I just get sad,
because the harder I try the less I can accomplish. It is a cruel
fact of AD/HD that when you strain hard to squeeze more from your
brain, you actually start shutting down the very parts that you
try to access. So I try to think about that when I get down on
myself, and then I wonder...