Learning what is reasonable...

I think that a vital piece of becoming unstuck is learning what is reasonable. What I mean is that, as persons with AD/HD, there are limits to what we should expect to accomplish in a day.

I am always struggling with the never ending DAILY to do list. In the evening I move the 4 to 10 unfinished items from today’s list to tomorrow and then I try to remember all of the other things that need to be done, I go to bed anxious that I omitted something vital from my list. I get up the next morning and if all goes well I look at my list again and I typically think of 3 or 4 more things I forgot. Sometimes by the end of the day I have added even more items than I have checked off.

Not knowing what to do first, unable to assign a logical value to any of the items. I then become stuck, paralyzed, boggled, because what was going to be my handy dandy to do list has now grown to a size that a "normal" person would have trouble finishing in a day. I still feel guilty for not “checking off” all of the things on my list.

Just the sheer volume of items listed is enough to boggle me, but I do the same thing the next day and the next...

So, I have been trying to figure out why I do this. I have come up with this hypothesis; I think that I write everything on my list because I’m afraid that I will forget something. I am trying to approach this quandary as an outsider because some-times being to close, the solution is hard to see. There must be some way to write my stuff down so that I wont forget and still not boggle myself.

My brilliant plan:

1. 
   Learn what is reasonable, by experimentation, try different lists out for size until I figure out what a manageable size for myself is.
   
2. Have an alternate sheet for stuff that I remember needs to be done but can wait until another day.
   
3. Learn what questions to ask my self, so that I can start to prioritize my tasks. (I will try to come up with a list for another blog.)
   
4. Learn to be happy with my new down sized list, and celebrate my accomplishments not berating myself for not being able to handle the same load as Mrs. X.
   
5. Develop the habit of checking my alternate list everyday to see if there is anything that I need to pay attention to ASAP.

Oops I Goofed...

I'm tired of being depressed and I'm tired of being down on myself. When something goes wrong I want to be able to say "oops, look at that I goofed, life goes on".

However when other people get on my case, I can't just blow it off like that. It generally means that I have screwed up something that effects more than just me. It really messes me up, because I must address the other person about it. I just want them to say "oops, look at that you goofed, life goes on", but other people don't say that. I find my self trying to get them to say it, and it doesn't work that way.

I just need to learn that you can't convince people to say "oops, look at that you goofed, life goes on", and I need to try not to take things so personally. If I could master that maybe I wouldn't get so "messed up" in my head when people point out my mistakes.

What if I were terminal?

OK,OK, don't get excited... I plan to live forever, but what if I were
terminal? Would I be chastised for my flaws, if the doctor had
sad, "I'm sorry she has an inoperable brain tumor, she has 4
years to live." Would people still ask me, "Why don't
you just try harder?", and that is not to say that every one
actually says that, but you can usually tell when people are
thinking it. "If you were just paying attention you wouldn't
have forgotten..." If people thought that I was "sick"
would it be easier for them to make allowances for my limitations?

I think about that allot, probably too much, but I still wonder,
"What if I were terminal?". Other times I join right in
and ask the same questions of my self, but then I just get sad,
because the harder I try the less I can accomplish. It is a cruel
fact of AD/HD that when you strain hard to squeeze more from your
brain, you actually start shutting down the very parts that you
try to access. So I try to think about that when I get down on
myself, and then I wonder...

I wonder...

Would it be easier to work on a mess if you first put all of your "relationships" in bags or boxes? Then you have a stress free environment to work in. You could focus on one box/bag at a time. I think this might squelch the overwhelm...

For most I would not recommend doing this with out a body double present. (Some one in the room to monitor progress and make sure that you don't leave it half done. ie. a room full of bags and stopping.)

A few things...

A few things to do when you are STUCK (boggled)...

• Make sure you start your day with a shower and get your self around, because if you don't your day will just spiral in to something ugly!
  
• Try setting a timer for an hour and every time it goes off DO SOMETHING, even if it is simple like emptying a trash can. Then if you at least do something every hour you have done at least 8 or 9 things.
  
• Put on a walkman and listen to music or the news or something, this will distract you from the confusion enough that you might be able to get through the boggle (I also have a head set on my phone and 2 different people that I can call and just "talk" to about nothing and this will sometimes inspire me to be productive, the same as the walkman.)
  
• Figure out where in the stream of time you are, orient your self by looking at a calender of up coming events. This may be enough to get the adrenalin flowing and make you move!
  
• Load the dishwasher (or unload as the case may be), start some laundry, just do some thing that is more of a body task than a brain task.
  
• Even going on a walk is better than doing nothing, and it just may be the stimulation that your brain needs.
  
• DO NOT... turn on the TV, surf the net, "check your email", or start any kind of computer game when you are in this state, you may never get away!! (I'm speaking entirely from personal experience here!!)

A fine example...

I was stuck, I couldn't remember the name of my own blogger page!! It took me 3 try's to finally get here!!

Question...

How do you get unstuck, I think this will be the subject that I will first try to ponder. I may never figure out a definitive answer for this, however I will try.